Height of Vellagiri

Aaj kuch toofani karte hai..aaj kuch chugiri karte hai

Lately, I have been very stressed due to personal and professional thingy...but that doesn't stop me from being my nautanki self...

I was thinking...as always...What to do when you are bored and you wanna do something idiotic?

1. Wait for someone to sneeze..then right before the moment say "Pikaaaa"-achooooo
Trust me the look on the sneezers face is awesum

2. Look out for men peeing on the roadside...Quietly go behind them and say "Bhooo" and walk off as fast as possible
The men have a "What tha..." expression

3. When you see a Ticket Checker (TC)..Look down..try to avoid them...make sure they notice...and ask you for the ticket..make a face...pout..try to act like you are about to run and when they get stern..take out your Valid First Class pass and flash it to them..
They give a look that is sure to let you know that they wanna slap you real hard..

4.Stand in the middle of the road where you know you can create a traffic jam and pretend to frantically search something from you bag.... until there are lot many honk..turn back and give them this "WTF is wrong with you" look...and walk off
If you don't hear any swears on your back...you can change my name to whatever you want

5. Stand in a strategic location in a busy road with a notebook and a pen...look up at the sky with a curious expression on your face...in regular periods say "hmmmmm".... and note something
you can surely make heads turn

6. In a crowded bus, check some guy or an uncle out...bat an eyelid...give a coy flirty expression and say "Uncle what is the time"
That expression on the face is so hilarious....just cannot be explained..

7. Press all the buttons in an elevator when you get out..

8. Buy a packet of peanuts...Go to Bandstand...ana Aim-Launch-Throw behind any huge rock...you can be sure that some couple will magically emerge from behind the rock..

9.  Stand in a market and scream "Abbe Kutte"....
you will have atleast 10 faces looking at you or searching for the Kutte 

10. Call Pizza Hut and Ask for the number of Dominos Pizza

Note: All the above points of Vellagiri are tried and tested. Do them at you own risk. Any injury caused during the acts is not the blogger's responsibility.

Aaj Kuch Toofani Karte hai....

Tax-eeeeeewww

I read a survey somewhere, 1 glass of cutting chai in Mumbai has 57 taxes levied on it..Shocking isnt it?

The same day i received an sms

Dear God,
Please give me strength to pay my IT, GST, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Sales Tax, Luxury Tax, Entertainment Tax, Excise Duty, Customs, Octroi, TDS, ESI, Property Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, IGBT, Water Tax, Profession Tax, Road Tax, STT, SEZ, Education Cess, Corporate Tax,Wealth Tax, TOT, Captial Gain Tax, Conjestion Levy etc etc....ohh and not to forget Hafta, Donation, Bribes, Chanda etc.
If i have some money left then I will do my business till it survives the riots, bandhs and vandalism by political goons
Sincerely,
AN Indian

What does it show?

Service Class..the Aam Aadmi is the most screwed up thing in this country.

I being an employee of a MNC, I travel far hanging in trains, getting stuck in the rains..just like thousands of others, work my guts out all 30 days a month and get what? Price hike, recession, reservations...why?

Where does all my tax money go?

1000's of people hang in the crowded local trains, squeeze into crowded buses, go through dug up road, cut through heavy traffic, face power cuts at home....

then these shameless politicians come in their bullet proof cars that runs on the petrol money paid by us and their driver's salary, their house expenses, their wife's and girlfriends clothes, jewellery, their son's dope, daughter's wedding.. everything paid out of our hard earned money...to top it all..the politician will ask "kharcha pani" to pass my "hakk ka paisa"

Walk in the market once, these dayz the cost of 1kg chicken equals to the cost of 1kg tomatoes..ohh seasonal fruits sell at premium rate..soon fruits like mangoes will be sold in a Gold jewellery shop..

Still our govt expects educated class to contribute for the "welfare" of our nation.

Why would a sane educated man slog his ass off over here when he can do the same out of this country and get paid three times more and live a luxurious life..

They say ours is a democratic country...I ask..is it really? no..

A person who speaks his mind gets beaten, killed, threatened, exiled...WTF

And we say  "Mera Bharat Maahan"...Sau mei ne 99 beimaan" (Read: Politicians)

Mumbai Local

From a commuter's point, I have always been a "bus person"---meaning...all my life I have traveled in buses to college, to work, to wherever..and frankly I'm supremely comfortable with Mumbai BEST, NMMT, TMT buses..
Now suddenly, my work demands me to go by train...and trust me trains terrify me...no particular reason as such.

Actually i have a few reasons to list down
1. Fast trains always come in IST (Indian Sarkari Time) a.k.a Late
2. Just too much crowd..
3. 3rd class snobbish women in 1st class compartment..
4. Experienced women  have mastered the art of pouncing, kicking, hair-pulling and bullying the innocent newbie's..
5. Free massages anyone?
6. Wanna listen to random gossip? Try listening to any conversation going on in the train -- Entertainment guranteed


Lessons I have learnt from Mumbai chi lifeline -- The local train

1. If you accidentally push any fat aunty..jus give the dumbest possible smile and say a loud Sorry
2. New survival techniques -- hang on to the sides else you either go right in or right out
3. Do not (Exta Bold, Font Size 72) get into an argument especially about flying hair ponytail or a flying dupatta....Its like a Criminal Offense
Ohh btw...when the fight involves other women and not you..it sure is entertaining to see...
4. Push Pull  Technique-- to get down Push else you will automatically get pushed...to get in Pull all your senses together and get hold of anything that looks like a handle..else you will be standing staring at the moving train
5. Proper Safety measures -- Make friends...known faces..make a group...you will be safe..rest assured
6. Take care of your belongings -- Hold on to your bag like its your baby..else you will have the straps ripped apart
7. Never ask for 4th seat in a 1st class compartment..they look at you as if you are dancing naked with a chicken on your head
8. Optimum utilization of space -- I have learnt to squeeze myself in the tinniest possible crevice in the compartment
9. Stress Buster -- Crib about jus anything Mother in law, boss, women, Government..just anything that comes to your head and in return you get sympathetic smiles, nods and sometimes even supportive comments

NOTE: After you get off the train mandatorily check if you have you hands, legs, fingers, toes, hair, head, bag, both sides of the headphones in place

Have a safe a journey and travel back in One piece

PERSONAL VENGEANCE ON AN ASSHOLE

Im putting it in a very nice way that am pissed off and I cant shout coz the person in question is an shit filled stinking asshole....

Mr. Egoistic Dude...with a puked attitude that stinks...and the face of a constipated pig ...Cant you jus open your eyes to reality?

Every time I say anything, you have a nasty comment to judge me...and every time i prove you wrong
I seriously don't give a damn of what you think and please keep your dumb comments to yourself and save yourself from embarrassment.,

You told me am not worth anything....yeaa......FU!!!.. <middle finger thats bigger than your little worthless tool>....a freaking loser you are...

i mean seriously..look at me man..i proved you wrong again...as always

Call me a crazy bitch again and I will show you one...dude, you just have no clue of what I can do...


You never learn from your mistakes do u?
You tried to screw things up for me....and ended up double screwing yourself...

You call me selfish, impatient, childish.....huh....if that was true i wouldn't have so many ppl on my side when you were shooting your mouth off....and you wouldn't have nearly got beaten too...
Fuck Off  Butt face..

Ohh you do you think am shooting off my mouth in this blog..well my readers are your friends too....they always knew what a jerk you are...now they will read about it too so will the world

Go hide that ugly joke of a face....n preferably your commode..

Baby's Day Out

After all that marriage hulla-hoops..suddenly there are babies springing everywhere

My facebook page is filled with baby shower pics..baby pics...newly married couple pics..sometimes all this makes me wanna delete my facebook profile but no that wont happen...(i need my peace from my crazy life and besides i love to peek into other lives...yeaa...am nosy...)

Recently, one of my very good friends from school had a baby and I went there to see the cute little baby boy tied a a bundle...from that moment I have been longing to have a baby of my own...

All my life, I thought I wanted kids. I just knew I’d be the coolest mom ever. My daughter Diya's (imaginary name) friends would wanna hangout with me.. My son Yash's (imaginary name) friends would love my company.

But, then I saw a pregnant co-worker losing her cool, getting cramps, holding that huge belly, feeling numb and looking like a huge beach ball. it kinda made me change my mind about my adorable kids......

Then I met my another friend at her place, and saw her two kids having a super bitch fight and abusing each other and pulling the guts out of each other for a little bar of Cadbury chocolate and my friend helplessly trying to "make them behave".
I mean seriously, my friends with babies do look visibly wrinkled, tired and 5 years older than the single women and they so don't have time to take care of themselves...poor souls

Now, that made me think twice...about babies...beside coming to think about it, beyond just nourishing and growing up the child, there’s my decidedly low tolerance for crying babies and also I dread these crazy indiscipline, stubborn kids at the malls who give out this shrill, piercing shriek when they don't get what they want,...gawd the noise emitted at an octave so exceedingly high it normally can only be reached by a whales..or dogs maybe..I so feel like going and slapping the source of such high pitched nerve bursting shriek... Sometimes I fear the glass doors will shatter and I’ll be mutilated by a flying shard of glass to the throat. And that would be at any given day preferable to the screaming wailing brats...

Besides, I truly cherish my sleep. I still know my mom saying that I was a mean kid getting up at 2am and wailing...n I so know that my kid is gonna be a mini-maniac -Like Mommy Like Baby (unless I marry a hermit)...and nappy changing feels duhh..and all those fevers, injection doses, doctors,.....ok am outta here


Then I went to my friend's baby's naming ceremony and saw this cute smiling pink baby...and am back to square one....I want bayybeee
....have to get married for that....ufff...have to find a guy for that.....back to the start..darn i aint getting anywhere

Valentine Special-The Coffee Shop

She used to always scoff at people who said "Life brings surprises"...she always has had life giving her ugly shocks than sweet surprises..
She was a bubbly and pretty 25 year old who had a Post Graduate degree and a job she loved with a lot of friends and a great family, still a part of her was lonely and longing for being loved and cared for by that special someone..with couples floating around makes her more aware of her loneliness that she harbors in silence with a enchanting smile on her face..

He was a vivacious, sexy, 26 year old guy who has in a job he likes. A guy who hangs out with his friends when the sun goes down, an athlete with a toned body, a smile and attitude that women would die for..

First Encounter

She was sitting alone in a corner table of a coffee shop lost in her thoughts with a book in her hand and a Cafe Latte in front of her..when like a blast he entered and almost tripped her table...She hated him for disturbing her train of thoughts...while he looked at the "Plain Jane" with nothing attractive said a bland sorry and walked off...and gave each other occasional glances..

That night, He didn't know why he was feeling so guilty of tripping "The Plain Jane" in the coffee shop...maybe it was her big dancer eyes..maybe it was the shy smile that he noticed from far...may be it was her cool, cat-like composure..all he knew was that he wanted to see her again..He was absolutely smitten by her...

She was on her bed that night, and thinking about the brash man who almost tripped her coffee today...sheer arrogant maleness attracted her like a moth to the fire..but she reminded herself of being hurt one too many times by guys whom she loved with all her heart.

Meeting Point

After a few months...after initial longing to see each other....the moment still seeming fresh but distant...

Another fine day, He walked into the cafe and there she was, all radiant and bright, and seemed happy...He thought "Gosh, How much have I missed her!" He sat down at a table a few tables away from her, trying to drink the sight of her black lustrous mane, her slender body, beautifully manicured hands, those delicate fingers circling the coffee mug...His thoughts were instantly distracted when she turned to look at him and suddenly flashed a girlish grin......and time stopped for a while...

She had least expected to see him there that evening., she was too engrossed in her book that she did not see him coming the coffee shop..once she lifted her head off the book and saw him looking at her with awe in his eyes and she knew that she had instantly fallen for those soulful eyes...before she realized she actually blushed and smiled at him......and the world turned upside down for her

He wanted to talk to her..wanted to ask her out...hold her hand...but his body didn't seem to move...she didn't realize for how long had she been staring at him until the waiter brought her check and broke the magic between them.

She got up to leave..she turned to him...smiled one last time....and the light shone on her finger...something shiny...her engagement ring......
This unexplainable feeling...what was happening to him...never anything of this sort ever happened to him..why was his heart breaking...why did he have the knotted feeling in the stomach...why were those eyes haunting him...he wanted to stop her..but he knew now that he was losing this girl who made him fall in love for the first time ever...

On her way, she knew what she felt was wrong...she is destined to be someone else's...someone whom she doesn't love...someone who makes her feel so lonely...but she is not able to stop herself..she is so automatically attracted to the stranger...she knew in heart of hearts that this was the last time will she ever she the man whom she lost her heart to in an instant....



"There is nothing in the world so wonderful as to love and be loved; there is nothing so devastating as love lost.". - Kalil Gibran

What If....

There is a little coffee shop near my workplace...there have been so many times when I feel like getting out of my hectic schedule and i find myself in that shop..soft music..awesome coffee..facing the quiet fountain admist the chaos on the road....

So many times I have sat there for hours thinking and picturizing crazy situations...like

* what if my boss gets kidnapped?

* what if i suddenly win a big big lottery?

* what if movie types some single handsome..rich millionaire instantly falls in love with me and pursues me? (louu at first sight it is)

* what if the fan above falls....and who will rescue whom n how..?(full in slow motion with background music)

* what if people start walking around making faces like the emote's on our cellphones (smileys) or maybe actually go ROTFLMAO (rolling on the floor laffing my ass off)? *scary tought*

* what if I drive a road-roller everyday to work or maybe a jet plane...or say a hover-craft?

* what if aliens land in middle of the powai traffic?

* what if I get the alladin's lamp with a blue genie?

* what if war like situation breaks and they ask me to join the army? :D

* what if i become invisible?

* what if there was no Google? (i'd rather die)

* what if Jack Sparrow kidnaps me? (ahhh lovely....)

* what if world really ended in 2012?

* what if people started walking and moving in pictures (weird)

After so many If's..its a big But.....but nothing of that sort is gonna happen...and when i was reeling a super duper Oscar award and Grammy winning movie in my head, my Cafe Latte has become a forth-less cold coffee....

*Sigh* back to the real world...

What if I could fly back home like a super-woman....There it goes again... 

Conversation
Mind: what if...
Me: Mind...Shut-up
Mind: no dee listen na..i mean..
Me: ok enuf mind...you talk too much...
Mind: but....
Me: Mind..Fuck Off...


Mind goes off wandering.....

Aging like a Wine...Older the better

2012's first post...101th shagun post...

"XX” age  in the making....my XXth birthday (I am a girl and I am old enough and my female instincts have made me hide my age)

Whatever might be my age I just love my birthdays.. I always eagerly look forward to it.

I'd had my big "Oh my god I'm getting older" existential crisis when I turned 25 - so after getting that out of the way, I was ready to welcome my “growing up” with open arms. Here's how it all went down.

I usually make a big deal out of birthday’s but for some reason, turning a year older has really made me think about whether I have learnt anything at all from my past (that sounds really grown-up, doesn’t it (:P), and really it wasn’t until I was actually thinking about my birthday sitting in front of the mirror admiring myself that  it occurred to me… It’s actually affected me in a way I hadn’t considered before – not sure if everyone goes through this at “xx age” or if it’s just me!

Anyway, there are much more important things happening in the world, and whilst I will get over it, and I am sure that I will eagerly wait for the clock to strike 12am and expect my mobile phone to beep with smses, bbm’s, calls, my facebook wall to have many wishes, and gifts, and enjoying one of those "OMG, I am a year older" moment. One thing this has made me realize, is that I want to continue to make the most of every moment in my life.

So I thought it would be fun to do a post today revealing a few things about me while I am still younger than “xx age”, I wrote this post before, so it was relevant at the time

“XX” Things About Me ;-P

These are things which I have never publicly revealed…
#1: I started life taking things as lightly as possible. Seriousness is not really my cup of tea anymore, be it an angry family member, or a irate boss or a emotional friend…All is well

#2: Thou shalt not swear…ahem…well I used to shamelessly swear like a crazy uncouth maniac…this year I have sworn to anyone as less as possible.*T&C Apply

#3: I still talk and talk and talk…but, now I have learnt to enjoy the sound of silence too.

#4: My deadly sins are emotions and sentiments- I have learnt to control them

#5: I managed to actually shut myself off when I don’t want to hear or see the people whom I thought could break me.

#6: I have started taking rejections rather easily…not like before..then I used to hide myself inside an invisible protective shell after a recent rejection

#7: I have started trusting my instincts more than ever. It’s spooky sometimes…

#8: I have started believing in the Law of Attraction.

#9: My faith in God increased even after a few setbacks and downfalls

#10: I still watch cartoons and behave like a 8 year old at times
.
#11:I dance when am alone and sing aloud even though I know I sound like a frog stuck in a washing machine

#12: I feel more woman than ever (secrets, shopping, gossips, cosmetics, spas…) how I love being a girl..correction..woman

#13: I am passionate – seriously passionate – *tch tch* ;-).

#14:I have become an animal lover, especially bitches....suits my persona at times*T & C Apply

#15: I have been doing some serious planning about “life”…and I think I should be heading somewhere with the planning this year.

#16:My confidence had gone for a toss last year…then came back with a bang…and it stays on…..stronger than ever..The Phoenix Effect

#17: I plan to change my surname this year…..finally

#18: I won 3 awards and 2 competitions this year…how I feel so.hhhhmmmmmmmm.

#19:I have sat on the “tiger point” at Lonavla at 4am with a hot chai in my hand, love songs pouring in my ears and seen the sunrise…..blissssful

#20:I still dream of being a warrior princess.

#21:I am still scared of the dark and injections still freak my out

#22:I am quite happy with materialistic pleasures

#23:My idea of “prince charming” has changed drastically….and has become more practical and attainable

#oo: I plan to get married this year without making too many compromises

#ox: I plan to go off on an impromptu vacation ALONE somewhere
#xo: I plan to be learn to drive......

#xx:Finally, Happy Birthday to me.

:-) :-P :-D

Memorable 365 days of 2011....

Incidentally, this years last post is the 100th post of my blog....

2011...Feels like it just started..feels like I just wrote the new year post a few weeks back..this year went off so soon..wuuhhh

I was thinking I wudnt write anything for this year end..but cudnt stop my "devil's workshop"

Well,this year has been kind of a mixed bag of events..no regrets at all though
Did many lovely things...went to many amazing places...met sum awesum friends..everyday has been as special as it can be...

Sumthings that happened this year, those that will have an impression for life

1.  Broke 50 empty beer bottles on palm beach road and screamed after India won the World cup

2.  Made holes on flavoured condoms and gifted it to a friend

3.  Wrote very indecent chits for a friends spinster party

4.   Sent 2 strippers to a "vishwamitra" friend

5.   Loudly (mind you loudly) sung a few songs standing on the window sill on the 9th floor (had my headfones shoved in my ears so din hv an idea that I was scaring the kids in the ground floor) :P

6.  Danced on the road in the rains

7  .Learnt that a car has 3 pedals underneath (I dunno to drive)

8.  Broke a few hearts and this year did not get my heart broken at all :D

9.  Video taped drunk men conversations

10. Beat men in the full view of 100 people on the road

11. Stood up for myself and feeling really proud for it

12. Saved a woman from falling of the running train

13. Slept in tha train n went away to kasara from vt

14. Actually did this "talk to the hand" expression to a few unwanteds

15. Went into the cockpit of an aircraft and chatted with the pilot for like 30 mins

Some things may sound like duhh or weird...but hey, I'm "THE Nautanki"...its in my veins to be crazy

Now its gonna be on more very Happy year of nautankis...2012

Hurt....Outraged and Helpless

ANGRY POST  (＃ﾟДﾟ)

People am just very very angry today...no offense to anyone here but please let me vent it out..

To every girl...Did you feel ashamed? Ashamed, that when at 13, a passerby grabbed and pinched you..Ashamed that men passed ‘lewd’ remarks when you walked past? Or brushed against you?....Ashamed when cab drivers adjusted their rear view mirrors to stare at your chest?

Eve-teasing.... Living hell


I and my girl buddy were walking down a street near kanjurmarg at say around 7.30pm....both dressed in modest salwar kamzees looking tired after a dogs-day....i think the most un-provocative sight

This bastard guy touched my friend and she didnt react.....so it jus passed...in like 2 second...the bastards super creep friend touched me inappropriately...and to top it all..these two jerks are grinning at each other as if they just made an achievement...dammnn...i just couldn't control myself and I picked up a my bag n hit him on his head as hard as I could...They looked as if thunder jus fell on them...I was so angry that I didnt care if there were a 100 people on that busy street watching me..I started hurling every expletives I knew in hindi at them...1 of the bastards actually tried to pull me again..and got a slap for that ( I still have his nail mark on my left arm)
 A crowd gathered...my friend was trying to pull me off the scene...

After 10 minutes..I calmed down a bit...here my friend is like "Why did you have to beat him? this happens..why cant you ignore and just walk off...we have to come to this place everyday...we meet so many regular faces..imagine the impression you created...how are we gonna face them and on top of that...what if these goons come again and do something more drastic...you are a girl after all"

Shit...I mean What the hell?
Why was she shouting at me?
Was I wrong to stand for myself?
Just because I am a girl who has to keep an "impression" that I have to ignore lecherous men?
Just coz the "regular faces" that I meet that I have take abuses quietly?
How strange that a stranger can make you feel vulnerable, stripping you naked by his violent gaze, and you can do nothing but ignore it.

No...I cant... I may not have the strength like men in my arms..I may not have burly boyfriends to protect me...But, I cannot keep quiet and I wont give up without a fight...I don't care If these dogs come again...I will fight them again
This is ridiculous...that line "just coz you are a girl you should adjust" is so not done...

Now I know such jerks just need a female specie...doesn't matter how old she is...doesn't matter what outfit she is in...doesn't matter of whatever profession she is..as long as its a "she" they will do what they please....and girls like my friend will just take it on and keep quiet....this gives the jerk a boost...

Now, while writing this I feel instead of a slap on his face I should have kicked his balls...that would put some sense in this brain...wherever it is

I'm still angry